Saying Goodbye

As I watch the deep red blood, mix in with the green liquid I refer to as the "green dream", I cannot help but think of a lava lamp and how peaceful they were to watch, when I fell asleep at night as a child, I realize now that this is actually happening. 

Her beautiful golden soft coat covers the needle in her vain, her head resting ever so gently on my leg and the sound of the heartbroken vet apologizing under his breath as the green substance enters her blood stream I find myself lost in a world where it is just us. 

I stroke the kissable spot in between her eyes and try to swallow the big golf ball that has been sitting in my throat all day. 

I watch as the intense twitch in her back leg that has caused her all this suffering begins to slow down and the thoughts of her leaving this world to explore another where pain and suffering does not exist, where no one can hurt her again and where she can finally run free, run rapidly through my head. 

I feel her take a big breath, which is something I will forever remember, it was like a sigh of relief and just like that she was gone. 

I hear the vet softly choke out the words, "I’m sorry Ivey" and I try once more to swallow that lump in my throat, but this time I had no strength left to do so. 

I continue to stroke her warm peaceful body as I look over the beautiful rice paddies where the dragon flies gather to play, the refreshing fresh air that dries my tear stained checks blows so gently and I know now that it is time for me to leave. 

I stand up and look down at the beautiful Golden Retriever who looks so peaceful, like she has finally relaxed and fallen into a forever sleep.  I bend down and kiss the spot in between her eyes once more and feel the weight of the world being lifted off my shoulders knowing that she is now free, knowing that she had a fantastic last day laying under the cool stream of water as the other volunteers and I giggle and cool her down, being spoiled and fed all the treats we could possibly find in the clinic and getting all the love in the world. 

Knowing that Goldy had left happy relaxed and content, made this hard time just that bit easier.

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