A week after Mum’s passing; our dogs were still looking restless. They didn’t bark, didn’t involve into a silly fight, didn’t go zoomies through the rice field, and didn’t leave the front porch. Their appetite was decreasing, even after menu changes. This was frustrating, especially for us, who experienced the same.
My weight was significantly decreasing as well, and with this 37 weeks pregnancy, it didn’t look good. Our sun had gone, and nothing we could do would bring her back. We were left with sadness and desperation. With this almost-full-term pregnancy week, we planned to stay in Ubud for the delivery. We planned it way before, and we needed to do that. Living in a house that is far away from main road makes it impossible to wait at home until due date arrives.
A day before our leaving to Ubud, Munel (Moo-Nayl), and our Mum’s favorite dog didn’t want to eat at all. She was a short-legged Bali Dog with red hair, and beautiful eyes, she always accompanied Mum while she was cooking. Ah, Mum always loved her small dog that loved to eat a lot. I gave her coconut water and some herbal medicine that we used to give to our dogs when they are losing appetite. She drank a little and took the medicine. The next day she looked better, running and approaching us, and licked our hands. I then felt better to leave her to go to Ubud.
My husband and I arrived in Ubud at night and fell asleep immediately. We finally had some proper sleep after 2 weeks of deprivation. The next morning, we got a phone call.
Munel was found dead. We were speechless. We couldn’t bear any death news anymore, no matter how small. Munel, left with Mum.
Right after I felt like I had lost faith towards anything beyond human’s power, I was again proven wrong. A small four-legged creature can also die because of a broken heart. She decided to continue her devotion to the human she loved the most. We didn’t have the energy to cry or curse or regret. Munel was buried in our yard. That sadness was too deep, too profound and too frequent. We got through our days in Ubud waiting for our new little sun with murkiness.
But the universe is always fair in its unfairness, everything is meant to be, we just need to swim through its samsara and will always be surprised to realize that everything happens at the right time.
A puppy came to us, in Ubud. She was a burden in her former place, so was brought home by my husband with his brighter smile. Her name is Sate (Satay). She is a very happy dog with a needy look. The first time I met Sate, she immediately smelled my belly, licked it, and would not leave my side. Wherever I sit, she will approach and lay her body next to me. She will step onto my husband’s lap, and try to kiss his chin. Once again, as If she was saying, “I am here for you guys.”
Our days in Ubud were cured due to her presence. Maybe after that tragic loss, given an opportunity to grow and to nurture a life again is what we actually need. It is amazing to know that this stinky little puppy woke us up through a concept of life-grow-death, possession and lose, attachment and release, loving and relieve.
So that when those sad days come again with its breeze to remind us about our pain, or those dark clouds look like that they are going to give us a new lesson, we will get by. We will enjoy them all.
By holding on tightly to our dog gurus. Whether they just came or just gracefully left.